dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
