So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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