My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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