if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
