Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
