mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
