She announced her abortion via fbk
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
