Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
