Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
