before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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