Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
