She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
