my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
