Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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