i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
