____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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