I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
