you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
