So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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