U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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