he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
