OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
