Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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