Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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