I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
