sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
