I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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