They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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