I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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