I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
