someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
