Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
