hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I am available for nakedness
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
