Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
