Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
