im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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