mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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