If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
