I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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