I looked at my own cervix.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
