I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
