i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
