Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
