That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
