he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
