Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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