Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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