its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
