i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
