what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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