Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
