We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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