I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
