need another drink. this is the easiest way
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
