Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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