Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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