i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Randomize
