i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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