Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
